I was born in a traditional Catholic home and I used to attend the Mass every Sunday, but our home has been swept up by spiritualist practices and philosophy, through my mother and my sister influence.
In spite of not having ever clung to any religion, I felt in my heart, from the adolescence, a strong sympathy for Jesus, although I didn't know by that time the distance that still separated us.
The negative influence of those spiritualistic practices brought about a quite deplorable aftermath in the life of every member of our family, and we often found ourselves tangled in disagreements, quarrels and frustration.
This shadowy mood, together with my intellectual curiosity, lead me to venture in yet more tortuous spiritual ways, through the esoteric doctrines.
I had inside of me a sincere desire of spiritual growth and of approaching God, but I headed to directions that ironically moved me more and more away of his presence.
I attended, for three years, an esoteric school, in which I was initiated in magic rituals, for the sake of the noble aim of eliminating my ego and the building of a “superior spiritual body”.
In that school, I had contact with most of the current literature on oriental religions, Theosophy, Zen Buddhism, Rosicrucian and others alike, which fascinated me and drew me through streams of amazingly lavish explanations concerning fascinating and deep matters such as the spiritual dimensions of the universe, the Creation process and man's and other beings´origin and ultimate destiny.
Nevertheless, none of those so called books of wisdom have led me anywhere, and neither they brought me hope or have made me feel any closer of God.
To the opposite, I built knowledge walls around myself, which isolated me more and more of the people, and cast me into a shadowy world of deep introspection, passivity and selfishness.
I married an instructor of transcendental meditation, what has got me yet more distant from the true path that God had planned for my life.
Due to my retracted and insecure personality, though overbearing proud and selfish, I had much difficulty in thriving in my professional life, and although I had successfully graduated in Mechanical Engineering, I could not build a sound career. I enjoyed an excellent job, which provided me a highly satisfactory lifestyle, occupying a prominence position in the company in which I worked.
Yet, I did not make my way in this position, and although I had traced a consistently rising career along 16 years, I saw myself unemployed, at the age of 39, due to an administrative restructuring of the company.
I lost by that time my father, who passed away. He was someone I respected and admired, but with whom I did not get along very closely, due to some differences in the way we saw the world. I could not even be present at his funeral, for I was traveling with my family.
Although I earnestly sought for the divine protection , I found out that I had stood back of God when I committed my first adultery, mistake that would still repeat for twice.
I didn't get from this year on to succeed in any other job, having also failed in an attempt of running a small business. In my despair to settling down, I looked for all the spiritualistic resources available, such as astrology, fortune telling, catholic prayers, and even Umbanda sessions.
My insecurity and anxiety regarding my future, lead me to regularly resort specially to the Tarot and fortune telling. Although several forecasts indeed took place, that never contributed to bring me safety or peace of mind at all.
One day, God showed me the absurdity of this habit, when, after consulting a quite respected, fortune teller I left with great hopes, because she had guaranteed me that I would get that much-longed job, to the point of describing the details of the very moment when I would receive the news. To my sheer disappointment, nothing of what she had predicted actually happened.
In my pride and self-centeredness, I did not realize that my life was dangerously degenerating. I had no awareness of the mistakes I had made so far and that I was walking away from my wife and my children, sinking more and more in my anguish, not having however the initiative to change the situation I had caused myself.
This situation reached its climax with the end of my ten-year-old marriage, what threw me into a terrible depression and deep spiritual and emotional misery. I was forced to live with my mother and my sister, and then life lost for me all purpose.
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